Love and marital life

To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love

-Enrich Fromm, “the Art of loving”

Most of us love with conditions predicated upon gains we seek from the other. It’s one of the worst forms of selfishness because it masquerades as selflessness. Love is something that transcends being based on how the other behaves. But I strongly believe that when you see love with your heart, you shall find its echoes in the universe.

Last weekend, I visited a relation and unknown to me; it was his wife’s birthday. They decided to spend the whole day at home with their baby girl. He cancelled his journey to Asaba just to be with his wife on her special day. After all the cake and juice drinking, we took pictures with the birthday lady. Later on, we sat together as he narrates the story of how he met his wife at a friend’s wedding. He said when he first saw her; he knew immediately that she was one made for him. After 3 years and a half of courtship, they decided to get married. Now 6 years don waka, dey still dey carry go, nobody waka, nobody go solo. Indeed, love is just simply magic.

In the same vein, I remember some weeks ago, my neighbour’s wife of 4 years travelled home to see her family. 3 days after she had left, I met the husband and teasingly asked him how he’s coping with life without his beloved wife. To my greatest surprise, he said to me that life is even better and sweeter without her because now for days, no quarrels, no insults and all those nightmares at has become his everyday reality.

The two different scenarios gave me the true picture of life, love and marital life. Most young people think love and marriage is that corporate romanticisation of lust we see in bollywood movies. Sorry to disappoint you, it’s more than that. It takes hard work and commitment from both sides of the coin.

According to my brother Gimba Kakanda, we watch too many Nollywood movies and they are polluting our minds. Listen, there is nothing like as a compatible couples; relationships are simply acts of compromises and sacrifices. No two people in this world were born with the same values, emotions and feelings. What we call love is just a decision to stomach each other’s eccentricities.

My good friend, who has been dating a certain lady since our first year in the university, recently told me that he’s planning on breaking up with her. I told him that I’m disappointed in him and he replied that you can’t just believe whatever you see. In his words, I’m still a novice when it comes to women.

Well to me, I think love is something that is truly natural. When you’re in love, people can easily see it from the looks in your eyes, from the words you speak, from the smiles on your face and in the sanity of thoughts.

I’m pretty sure Mrs. Muntasir is somewhere or some near. May be I’ve met her already but only God knows. I’m learning how to be best husband and father the world has ever seen. In my wonderness, I believe that Eve, the first woman created by God is not as beautiful as you are. Together, we shall work on our weaknesses. I feel that our baby, if we make one, is safe in your arms and likely to inherit your IQ. Also he/she will be perfect, perfect like you are.

A woman is not like an earthen pot which we try by tapping to see which one is stronger. But I’m sure you are strong woman not necessarily physically, but emotionally and psychologically. With you by my side, the sky can only be our starting point by God’s grace.

If you are only as good as the company you keep, then I’m going to blame you for all they will say about me. By the grace of our Creator, you will be my best friend, soul mate, confidant, special adviser and my primus inteperes (first among equals). And when people ask me about you, I’d say I’m your musician and you’re favourite song.

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4 thoughts on “Love and marital life

  1. Well, i for one think love really is farce like as deep down inside we fall in love for a reason… either the person’s cute, rich, funny, has got a great body blah blah blah… wen u take all this away the relationship becomes empty and then their supposed love just fades

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